Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? 

Customer: A white one... 

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. 

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? 

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. 

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. 

Customer: No , wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. 

Customer: Your left or my left? 

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? 

Male customer: Hello... I can't print. 

Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and.... 

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates. 

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it. 

Customer: I have problems printing in red.. 

Tech support: Do you have a color printer? 

Customer: Aaaah.....................thank you. 

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? 

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11. 

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. 

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? 

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. 

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. 

Customer: ! OK 

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? 

Customer: Yes 

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? 

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah. that one does work.

Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. 

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ? 

Customer: I can't get on the Internet. 

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? 

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. 

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? 

Customer: Five dots. 

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? 

Customer: Netscape. 

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. 

Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer. 

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.. 

Tech support: How may I help you? 

Customer: I'm writing my first email. 

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? 

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it? 

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. 

Tech support: Are you running it under windows? 

Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.' 

And last but not least... 

Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' 

Customer: I don't have a P. 

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. 

Customer: What do you mean? 

Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob. 

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!